Stretching and cuddles

9/16/ This morning is so hard for me. I get to leave my baby for 4 days. And i have not spent one whole day away from him since he was born. He has always haf me in the same room as he slept at night. And last night its like he knewzl, he woke up at one am and would not go back to sleep so i juat held him and for the first tine in a long time all he wanted was for his mama just to hold him i ended up laying on the floor by his crib propped up by all his stuff animals and he fell asleep on my chest as if he was a new born again. Boy did that tug at my heart strings, i did not want to put him back into his crib.

9/10/2015

Life has definitely changed and i have alot that has not been posted. One thing is that i am no longer waiting for a fool to show up i  knew deep inside that he was never going to show. I knew that his music career was more important. And also his dreams just were not family friendly, and thats what i am i am a family, me and malaki. So thats old news. Went to kanab for the 4th of July and grandma and papas 50th. For some reason alot of family just does not get me, especially my uncle he treats me and malaki like misfits and some times its as if he acts like i had Malaki out of wed lock.
Well what ever I know my truth. And no matter where my malaki got hos start he is my little boy and he is the best thing that ever happened to me. Speaking of malaki hr is gettind so stinking big! And has the Cutest personality. I can not believe he turns one this month. My baby is getting so big!  He gives kisses now, waves bye-bye,seems that he says hi, mama is an old one, duck is another word he says but then rubber duckies are his favorite, he loves his Randy (more about this one later) he loves blueberries and raisins, yogurt puffs and chocolate, oh how he loves chocolate. Malaki loves being outside and going for car rides with Randy. He is my little angel.
Then there is this Randy i have spoke about. Randy is my boyfriend. And yes this might come to a shock to some readers. No i am not divorced yet, but the only thing holding me back is not knowing where to start. The thing is my husband has been gone over a year and when i met Randy things just seemed so right. The reason i agreed to go on a date qith Randy in the first place is because i was wanting to make some friends in this area. Well it became more than friends quite fast and tho i was worried about rushing into any thing it all just flowed so perfectly and won of the ways Randy won me over is the connection he and my son has. They are super good with each other. Any time Malaki sees him he like has thicla cute way he crawls like fast speed across the floor and then like continues ro crawl up Randy's legs into his arms. They say small children have a way of knowing who are good. Randy sure is amazing. He is set on taking care of me and malaki and he is so good to us. I really am blessed to have him. 
Randy starts quest training tomorrow and i could not be happier!! He chose in all on his own pretty much and he has chosen all the way through!

Home

Sitting in the impact building is home. No matter where i go or how long i am gone every time i walk in to here its like i am coming home for the first time in years. Often i long to be here often i feel a pull here. If i could set up camp right outside the door and just live here i would be very happy.
Yes this has been odd not being near my Malaki but i can feel that there is a deeper bond between me and Randy growing. This is going to ne an amazing weekend! Full of miracles and magic. I am so grateful he chose in to this training.