love...

Love makes you do crazy things. I stay up as late as I can just watching my baby peacefully sleep. I also will stay in just in case I get to talk to some one I love that usually gets on late at night. I will sing the same silly song over and over again just to see Malaki smile, and the Germs that bothered me so much before don't count when they are his. I use to squirm when some one puked near me, but my son can vomit all over me and I have learned... it happens lets get him cleaned up. I Spend hours thinking about some one thousands of miles away. I can kiss a baby's slobbery face. I spend every waking moment thinking of the baby in my arms. I get lonely when malaki sleeps the whole night in his crib., and I could cuddle him all day.

Valentines wishes.

Honest truth I know My valentine wishes are far from being Reality at this time. And tho I love the sweet smell and gentle silk touch of a real rose I actually just really would love some of these this year. Its a rose made out of Diapers. I would be thrilled with them it would be like a gift to both Malaki and I. I would get my roses and in the end Malaki would have a clean butt. Its a win win!! Maybe some year I will get my lovey dovey romantic Valentines but Diaper roses Sound great to me right now!

Please read

Do you ever wish there was a way to reach out and make some one see just how much you love them, how much they mean to you, and that nothing is ever going to change that... Exactly. There must be some type of lesson I am just not getting for instead of one I am surrounded. And it breaks my heart because there is nothing I can do about it, it does not matter how much I love them,they get to love themselves. I skipped working out tonight to pray. I have not actually knelt to pray in a long long time. Most of my prayers are silent pleas with in my heart through out the day but tonight is different. I am seeing those I love fall apart near and far. And My only Plea is that they may see at least how much they mean to me and know it, for you see I can tell them all I want but it feels like I am talking to a brick wall, repeating myself. I love you I love you I LOVE YOU! It just does not seem to be enough, they get to love themselves. All I can do is sit back and love them still, and keep praying they see how great they are.

Please my dear ones~
Keep holding on. I know you can not see it but there is so much in store for you. There is Love in all things. Breathe. There is a end to this for this too shall pass, Please keep your chin up and remember brighter times they are there for you to hold on to. Please hold on you do not know how much you mean to me. It breaks my heart to see you this way. It may seem like this is the darkest dark night of your life but there will be sunshine, There is always a sunrise. Its you. You are the light you just get to remember it. I don't know how to explain this to all of you the way you will get it, You are your happiness, You choose! Its up to you! Hate the things in your past? forgive yourself. Unhappy where you are? Then go to where you are the Happiest. Cant leave where you are? Make it your happy place! Seriously if say Disney land is your favorite place Take over your house Decorate it with Disney Character posters!! Stressed out over things going on around you? Don't worry they will turn out! Some how! Hate your life? Change it. Dont thing you are loved? look around.. I am here. I am here.

YOU ARE LOVED!!

For my dear Friend

Once upon no time, there was a little Soul who said to God, "I know who I am."

And God said, "That's wonderful! Who are you?"

And the Little Soul shouted, "I'm the Light!"

God smiled a big smile. "That's right!" God exclaimed. "You are the Light."

The Little Soul was so happy, for it had figured out what all the souls in the Kingdom were there to figure out.

"Wow," said the Little Soul, "this is really cool!"

But soon, knowing who it was was not enough. The Little Soul felt stirrings inside, and now wanted to be who it was. And so the Little Soul went back to God (which is not a bad idea for all souls who want to be Who They Really Are) and said,

"Hi, God! Now that I know Who I am, is it okay for me to be it?"

And God said, "You mean you want to be Who You Already Are?"

"Well," replied the Little Soul," it's one thing to know Who I Am, and another thing altogether to actually be it. I want to feel what it's like to be the Light!"

"But you already are the Light," God repeated, smiling again.

"Yes, but I want to see what that feels like!" cried the Little Soul.

"Well," said God with a chuckle, "I suppose I should have known. You always were the adventuresome one."

Then God's expression changed. "There's only one thing..."

"What?" asked the Little Soul.

"Well, there is nothing else but the Light. You see, I created nothing but what you are; and so, there is no easy way for you to experience yourself as Who You Are, since there is nothing that you are not."

"Huh?" said the Little Soul, who was now a little confused.

"Think of it this way," said God. "You are like a candle in the Sun. Oh, you're there all right. Along with a million, gazillion other candles who make up the Sun. And the sun would not be the Sun without you. Nay, it would be a sun without one of its candles...and that would not be the Sun at all; for it would not shine as brightly. Yet, how to know yourself as the Light when you are amidst the Light -that is the question."

"Well," the Little Soul perked up, "you're God. Think of something!"

Once more God smiled. "I already have," God said. "Since you cannot see yourself as the Light when you are in the Light, we'll surround you with darkness."

"What's darkness?" the Little Soul asked.

God replied, "It is that which you are not."

"Will I be afraid of the dark?" cried the Little Soul.

"Only if you choose to be," God answered. "There is nothing, really, to be afraid of, unless you decide that there is. You see, we are making it all up. We are pretending."

"Oh," said the Little Soul, and felt better already.

Then God explained that, in order to experience anything at all, the exact opposite of it will appear. "It is a great gift," God said, "because without it, you could not know what anything is like. You could not know Warm without Cold, Up without Down, Fast without Slow. You could not know Left without Right, Here without There, Now without Then."

"And so," God concluded, "when you are surrounded with darkness, do not shake your fist and raise your voice and curse the darkness. Rather be a Light unto the darkness, and don't be mad about it. Then you will know Who You Really Are, and all others will know, too. Let your Light shine so that everyone will know how special you are!"

"You mean it's okay to let others see how special I am?" asked the Little Soul.

"Of course!" God chuckled. "It's very okay! But remember,'special' does not mean 'better.' Everybody is special, each in their own way! Yet many others have forgotten that. They will see that it is okay for them to be special only when you see that it is okay for you to be special."

"Wow," said the Little Soul, dancing and skipping and laughing and jumping with joy. "I can be as special as I want to be!"

"Yes, and you can start right now," said God, who was dancing and skipping and laughing right along with the Little Soul.

"What part of special do you want to be?"

"What part of special?" the Little Soul repeated. "I don't understand."

"Well," God explained, "being the Light is being special, and being special has a lot of parts to it. It is special to be kind. It is special to be gentle. It is special to be creative. It is special to be patient. Can you think of any other ways it is special to be?"

The Little Soul sat quietly for a moment. "I can think of lots of ways to be special!" the Little Soul then exclaimed. "It is special to be helpful. It is special to be sharing. It is special to be friendly. It is special to be considerate of others!"

"Yes!" God agreed, "and you can be all of those things, or any part of special you wish to be, at any moment. That's what it means to be the Light."

"I know what I want to be, I know what I want to be!" the Little Soul announced with great excitement. "I want to be the part of special called 'forgiving'. Isn't it special to be forgiving?"

"Oh, yes," God assured the Little Soul. "That is very special."

"Okay," said the Little Soul. "That's what I want to be. I want to be forgiving. I want to experience myself as that."

"Good," said God, "but there's one thing you should know."

The Little Soul was becoming a bit impatient now. It always seemed as though there were some complication.

"What is it?" the Little Soul sighed.

"There is no one to forgive."

"No one?" The Little Soul could hardly believe what had been said.

"No one!" God repeated. "Everything I have made is perfect. There is not a single soul in all creation less perfect than you. Look around you."

It was then that the Little Soul realized a large crowd had gathered. Souls had come from far and wide ~ from all over the Kingdom ~ for the word had gone forth that the Little Soul was having this extraordinary conversation with God, and everyone wanted to hear what they were saying. Looking at the countless other souls gathered there, the Little Soul had to agree. None appeared less wonderful, less magnificent, or less perfect than the Little Soul itself. Such was the wonder of the souls gathered around, and so bright was their Light, that the Little Soul could scarcely gaze upon them.

"Who, then, to forgive?" asked God.

"Boy, this is going to be no fun at all!" grumbled the Little Soul. "I wanted to experience myself as One Who Forgives. I wanted to know what that part of special felt like."

And the Little Soul learned what it must feel like to be sad. But just then a Friendly Soul stepped forward from the crowd.

"Not to worry, Little Soul," the Friendly Soul said, "I will help you."

"You will?" the Little Soul brightened. "But what can you do?"

"Why, I can give you someone to forgive!"

"You can?"

"Certainly!" chirped the Friendly Soul. "I can come into your next lifetime and do something for you to forgive."

"But why? Why would you do that?" the Little Soul asked. "You, who are a Being of such utter perfection! You, who vibrate with such a speed that it creates a Light so bright that I can hardly gaze upon you! What could cause you to want to slow down your vibration to such a speed that your bright Light would become dark and dense? What could cause you ~ who are so light that you dance upon the stars and move through the Kingdom with the speed of your thought--to come into my life and make yourself so heavy that you could do this bad thing?"

"Simple," the Friendly Soul said. "I would do it because I love you."

The Little Soul seemed surprised at the answer.

"Don't be so amazed," said the Friendly Soul, "you have done the same thing for me. Don't you remember? Oh, we have danced together, you and I, many times. Through the eons and across all the ages have we danced. Across all time and in many places have we played together. You just don't remember."

"We have both been All Of It. We have been the Up and the Down of it, the Left and the Right of it. We have been the Here and the There of it, the Now and the Then of it. We have been the male and the female, the good and the bad; we have both been the victim and the villain of it."

"Thus have we come together, you and I, many times before; each bringing to the other the exact and perfect opportunity to Express and to Experience Who We Really Are. And so," the Friendly Soul explained further, "I will come into your next lifetime and be the 'bad one' this time. I will do something really terrible, and then you can experience yourself as the One Who Forgives.

"But what will you do?" the Little Soul asked, just a little nervously, "that will be so terrible?"

"Oh," replied the Friendly Soul with a twinkle, "we'll think of something."

Then the Friendly Soul seemed to turn serious, and said in a quiet voice, "You are right about one thing, you know."

"What is that?" the Little Soul wanted to know.

"I will have to slow down my vibration and become very heavy to do this not-so-nice thing. I will have to pretend to be something very unlike myself. And so, I have but one favour to ask of you in return."

"Oh, anything, anything!" cried the Little Soul, and began to dance and sing, "I get to be forgiving, I get to be forgiving!"

Then the Little Soul saw that the Friendly Soul was remaining very quiet.

"What is it?" the Little Soul asked. "What can I do for you? You are such an angel to be willing to do this for me!"

"Of course this Friendly Soul is an angel!" God interrupted. "Everyone is! Always remember: I have sent you nothing but angels."

And so the Little Soul wanted more than ever to grant the Friendly Soul's request. "What can I do for you?" the Little Soul asked again.

"In the moment that I strike you and smite you," the Friendly Soul replied, "in the moment that I do the worst to you that you could possible imagine ~ in that very moment..."

"Yes?" the Little Soul interrupted, "yes...?""Remember Who I Really Am."

"Oh, I will!" cried the Little Soul, "I promise! I will always remember you as I see you right here, right now!"

"Good," said the Friendly Soul, "because, you see, I will have been pretending so hard, I will have forgotten myself. And if you do not remember me as I really am, I may not be able to remember for a very long time. And if I forget Who I Am, you may even forget Who You Are, and we will both be lost. Then we will need another soul to come along and remind us both of Who We Are."

"No, we won't!" the Little Soul promised again. "I will remember you! And I will thank you for bringing me this gift ~ the chance to experience myself as Who I Am.

" And so, the agreement was made. And the Little Soul went forth into a new lifetime, excited to be the Light, which was very special, and excited to be that part of special called Forgiveness.

And the Little Soul waited anxiously to be able to experience itself as Forgiveness, and to thank whatever other soul made it possible. And at all the moments in that new lifetime, whenever a new soul appeared on the scene, whether that new soul brought joy or sadness--and especially if it brought sadness--the Little Soul thought of what God had said.

"Always remember," God had smiled, "I have sent you nothing but angels."


by Neale Donald Walsch, Conversations With God

Crazy dancer

For the last 4 days I have been doing sit ups, stretches, leg work outs and other random exercises that have come to me right before bed at first I have had to force my self to do it but tonight I had a blast! I put my headphones in put on some dance music and danced! I am sure I got more sit ups in tonight than all the other nights combined for I was dancing to the music with my sit ups and i was determined to get to the end of the song. Wiggled my butt like crazy and shook like i was a mad woman and in the end I most likely did 3 times as much exercising and yet I felt ten times better about doing it and am even excited to do it again and on top of it all I felt sexy doing it!! I feel I might even start doing it once in the morning and once at night! I Am SEXY! Roar!! Hahaha

Talking with a dear friend

It is amazing what talking with a dear friend can so to lift spirits. Not only is she a dear friend but a blessed sister. She lifted me so much and has no idea on how much she assisted me in remembering I am not alone. While talking to her I remembered I am not that helpless little girl, I am a powerful Goddess! Yes I am allowed times to feel down and I am allowed to, how would you say it... Freak out, I just get to allow my self to get back up am remember who I am. I get to remember I am not alone in this world!! Or ever! There are so many that love and care for me so much! And for them I am thankful!! My dear sister, Rosa, thank you! Thank you for being a perfect mirror, and thank you for the reminder!

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.”

Laughter

So it is said that laughter is the best cure so AFV here I come! So thankful Netflix holds so many! No it does not make things go away but it assists. And what's even better giggles from my baby!! 

True emotion

When you look at my photos most likely you see joy.. But really that is not always my true emotion for its not popular to place for all to see your sadness or worries. You see I am fighting depression I know this and am willing to admit it now. I force my self to use the tools I know yet it's hard when you have to force your self to even get out of bed. True emition; i feel alone, isolated, emotional, forgotten, like I am spinning out of control, scared, like a slow sad rain, and angry.  I know I have power over this but it's like my will power is gone. And tho the world sees me smiling inside I am struggling. I want every thing to be ok. Please let everything be ok... 

My body

My feet are rough and scared for they have kissed the earth. 

My tummy is slightly saggy and looks like a watermelon for it has held an angel. 

My hands are scared and dry for they have brought blessings to others. 

My hips are wide for they are made to hold a child as I work. 

My butt is large for it is made to sit long hours in meditation with out the pain of sitting on my tail bone. 

I have small bags under my eyes for I am blessed that my baby lives and grows healthy. 

My hair is a mess for I spent the morning snuggling with my son. 

My nails are bit for I worried over some one I loved. 

My body may be sore , out of shape ( what ever that may mean) scared, but that is the beauty of it, for I have lived! 

I love my body

I love all that it gives to me

I love my good health

I love the reminders each marking my body gives me

I love being me

No where to go.

sometimes I feel like such a fool. I left a home and a good job up north and came here feeling I could trust my husband to take care of me as I was pregnant That did not work out so well so I decided to trust a family member and now here I am wondering what I will do. I am so stressed out. I feel like I might go crazy. I did this all for my son and now I feel like I have failed him. I am doing my best, I know I could get a job but Just leaving my baby for an hour stresses me out to no end, I freak out! I dont mean to freak I just do. He is all I have in my life and to lose him I would lose every thing. I have no where to go I am being asked to put the home I am in on Craigslist and in assisting in selling it out from under my family. It Angers me so because I am watching my world fall apart all over again and this time it is different. This time there is some one that is my whole world that is part of it! And I am doing my best so stay sane but when I see every one else hiding in their rooms not wanting to face Reality and do something I think about going off on my own... but where am I going to go? I have no where this house is where I would go when I had no where!

For the most part those in my world right now are hiding some how may it be in a game, in watching tv, or literally shutting themselves in a bed room. They shut down and veg out and tho I want to hide some how too. It's not all that easy for me I have diapers to change, bottles to fill, a baby to love and care for. And wow is it a lonely world when every one else is hiding in their worlds.  I guess for me I am kinda hiding in Malakis world because an odd thing is when he falls asleep I can barely keep my eyes open. I sleep when he sleeps. I spend my life with My son blessed that his smiles are in my life. Come out from hiding world. I miss life.

Loving my body some more

 There are times that I stop and look at my reflection, sometimes just in the window as passing by and I will feel beautiful it's amazing to me. It's not always when I am dressed up sometimes  it's just simple like tonight after changing into a pair of sweats and a tank top I my eye caught on my reflection in the window and I felt beautiful. 

I feel that we all know the beauty we are then society puts it out there that we are not. I know for a fact that its a way to make money. Place a person in front of us then we are told that is what beauty is. Who is the one that gets to decide what beauty is? I'm beautiful and I am not a size two, I get zits, my hair is not photo perfect,  but that's just it!! I am not a photo!  I am me! 

The sad thing is its been programmed into us since birth because it was taught to our mothers and their mothers. Yes the standerns of beauty changes with the times. Heck in some ages of time it was thought a curvy plump woman was the most beautiful of all and in all actualty most corsets and petticoats were made to make a woman look as if she had more curves. No I  not sitting on a high seat stating that curvy is the beauty of the world I am saying we are! It's sickening to watch both men and women go through hell to have the so called perfect body! Some women starve them self as others are out there now embarrassed that they can not gain weight both watching the scale saying there is something wrong with them in all actuality there is something wrong with the media. With the programming we have stuck in our heads, no I am not saying lets all drop every thing and start eating junk and become couch potatoes there is good to wanting to be fit what I am saying is isn't it about time we start loving our bodies as they are right thus moment? Treat them with love and also change the standerns for beauty? That girl who is size 20 in pants that adores to dance and is good at it should not be treated any different than those that are slim and tall, she is healthy she is enjoying her self. She is beautiful! That girl you called a toothpick and threatened to stuff candy down her throat she is beautiful! That old woman sitting in her rocking chair barely any hair she is beautiful! You just as you are.. You are beautiful! 

Me right now just as I am ... I am beautiful. 

I am not saying I am cured and that for now on I will only think my self as beautiful. No I still am working on it and that is why I am working on this on going challenge if loving my body. Dare to take on the programming that has been drilled into us for generations  then join me! Message me on Facebook for the details! 

Angels

There have been times when I have sat and been so grateful for angels in my life. For those that swoop in with acts of kindness or even kind, uplifting words that make life that much more amazing. Well at the same time I have seen others in my same shoes and wonder do they not have angels too? They do! Me! Tonight I got the opportunity to be some ones angel a young new mommy with very little to start out with. And how perfect is it that she is having a baby boy!  So I gave up on my going to bed early and started packing up all malakis out grown clothes, then went a step farther, you see Malaki is in that stage where 0-3 month clothes are starting to be too short on him ( my tall baby, skinny but tall) and tho 3-6 months are baggy he is ok in them and I know with in a week or so I would be forced to put him in the bigger clothes any ways. So I started digging through ALL his clothes the ones in his drawers and the box or two of " bigger clothes. Now I have a nice size box for this young mommy and tho I do not know her so I can not say if she believes in Angels or not I know that I got the joy of being am angel. I am so thankful my mom spotted her friend on the classifieds  looking for a car seat for her and I happen to have an extra of that as well!  

Another amazing thing is how amazing the feeling is you get in return for being some ones angel! 

There'd be plenty of angels in the world if only we could all see that we are the Angels others are praying for! We can be their miracles! It can be more like heaven here on earth! In fact that is part of why I am here! By being a beautiful radiant powerful woman of light I bring forth passion peace and joy, inviting each to embrace the light that they are and reconnect with their inner child. In this I create abundance, acceptance, and heaven on earth for each of gods children to experience. And so it is!

A few new things added to my list

I want to see the northern lights. So beautiful and I just feel it would be magical. 

Have the formal wedding I always wanted. When I got married I chose a gown based on a beautiful theme but it was not the gown I wanted nor even the theme I wanted... I let every one else plan my wedding and I was just there there was not a lot of feeling put into it. I was numb and felt hollow. If ever I get married again I don't care if it does not cost a lot that's not the point... I want to feel beautiful and loved on my wedding day not like I am just a prop of a big show. I want the sweet things to matter! And I want a real rose! Even if I can only afford one rose to hold that will do. Perhaps last time it was because I knew I did not truly love the man I was marrying but the whole thing was hollow.

I want to fill a whole huge wall with stuff animals for Malaki! Of every kind unquestionably unique and wonderful 

I want to be a stay st home mom!

I want to fill a scrap book full of memories for each kid I have!  Haha in fact I want to have a scrapbook party! Just so I can say I did! 

I want to bake a layered cake and actually make it look good!!

I want to eat in a fancy like 5 star restaurant! See what all the talks about!

Smiles and giggles

Malaki has learned how to giggle and has somehow got his mommy even more wrapped around his finger with hours of patty cake ( with his feet haha) , tickles and playing on the floor with him! 

Malaki and his puppy

Malaki was not so much into binkies but I still offered them because I read some where that they reduce the risk of SIDS. Well for Christmas I found this adorable binkie that has a little stuffed puppy attached to it and had to have it for Malaki's stocking. Well now he is a binkie boy! And the only binkie he will take had to have the puppy of course the puppy only attaches to it's binkie ( luckily it comes off for washing both binkie and puppy) he will sit there binkie in mouth playing with the puppy attached. There were other animals like kitties and a cow I wonder if we would like those as well or if it is just the puppy even so I get to come up with some money get to Walmart and pick up a few! Too bad they are like $9.00 each and I hardly go the 80 miles to Walmart! 

But he sure loves his puppy! 

I am sure every mom does this, or most but there are some nights I just stay awake staring at my little boy wondering how I could be so lucky. He is perfect! How can something so small be so amazing that he takes my breath away, he is on my mind all day every day. Is it selfish of me to not want to go off and work because I want to spend every moment of the day with my son? It is hard for me to believe that there are some women out there that can't wait to drop kids off at dare care or school so they can go to work and have time with out their children when it breaks my heart to think I have to find a job soon because I won't have a way to take care of him if I don't. I wish there was no such thing as money! It's a cursed thing! That has only the meaning we as people put on it!!! I miss home. There was no such thing there! Just peace and love, a family of Devine beings living as one! There was no pain no suffering. Perfect peace... But then with out this world what would we learn? I did not realize how beautiful home was until I saw and felt how it is here... My little angel tho I wish for home so often I also know that I have abit of it here for it is within each of us and I see it the most in you.  

This is what fresh out of the shower Sexy looks like!

Baby invasion

Finding baby  binkies under my pillow, random baby toys here an there, tiny socks every where. There's milk spots on my favorite blanket, can't keep any thing clean, my new is a pony tail and pjs. Baby music has became my jams. I take naps now and do things for me at odd times of the night. For you see I am a mommy and my heart belongs to one small boy. 

Spoiling me.

This year I am going to be as healthy as I have ever been because this year I am going to love my body! Loving your body is not just about Accepting it as a beautiful thing It is also those moments when you do special things to spoil your body like an extra long bath to soak out any stuck energy or expeiancing some thing new to see if it works for your body Like a remedy my dear friend told me about involving washing your hair with baking soda and vinegar ( Sounds Like a childs science project on your head! But fun) Tonight I am committed to spoil myself with a nice bath once Malaki is asleep so that I can not only feel comfortable in my own skin but clean as well! See I keep stressing about My weight and my hair falling out and the stretch marks when really all I really deserve is to relax and let my body be perfect for me. Because I know what works and does not work for me and one thing I know does not work for me is that four letter word... Diet. I find when I start scolding my self and saying I get to eat healthier well that is when I do just what I did tonight! I sat there saying "oh yes eat healthy... there is nothing healthy to eat in this house I want... No fresh fruit or vegies... guess I will eat some thing small like... Tuna on crackers" then when some thing like mom making cheesecake comes up I am like " OH Yes I am starving for some thing good!" and there goes the healthy thoughts. Other than that I find when I am saying no to myself over food I get depressed. I am just not a dieter. See last time I lost weight I really dont know what I did other that not worry about it and feel beautiful just as I was then the next thing I knew I was down a few pant sizes and feeling so great. It does not work for me to look at numbers on a scale. They never really speak truth for me. I mean even when I was pregnant and one of the nurses asked me my weight she looked at me like I was crazy and said " No way! You look way lighter than that!" Of course the scale said I was that much but I have never really appeared to be as much as the scale says ( perfect for those people at the carnivals that say they can guess your weight). So I look at how I feel about me not the number some silly thing wants to say about me.

I am smiling!! my mask is dry around my
mouth making it hard to smile! 

 So what am I doing for my body tonight to show it the love it deserves. I am first ( as I type this up ) relaxing in a face mask. Then I am going to soak in a night hot bath with Lavender and wash my hair with the new learned remedy then I am going to clean off and make my bed so that I can curl up in a fresh warm blanket from the dryer and enjoy some relaxing music as I sleep.

I love my Body! I love all that my body does for me! I am Thankful for the body I do have!

Loving my Body just as it is

Tonight as I sit here I am so thankful for the body I have been given... It has two arms to hug those dear to me. Two hands for me to pick up my baby boy with ease. To legs and feet for me to get around on, A mouth for be to speak words of gratitude and joy with and sing to my son. Two eyes to see all mother natures beauty. A nose to smell sweet scents of flowers enjoy the pleasant sting of spices. Ten fingers to type out how I feel, Ten toes to balance on as I reach to the sky and dance as I beat my drum, Two knees to kneel upon as I pray to my God, Two ears to ear all the sounds of heaven in the music and live around me. One heart to beat true, One mind to use for store knowledge, And it is all lead by a Beautiful Spirit with love and light.

Cuddles and songs

today has been A mommy day. Malaki has only wanted me all day long.. when handing him to Grammy he cried, he fussed in his great grandmas lap ad will not sit with out me being in sight so its been a day of singing all the songs I know and lots and lots of cuddles. I have wanted to get some sleep but today he has been on one with wanting mama to hold him. I will admit he has been to cute to resist with his adorable smile. I did my best to take a pic of his " Mommy Is coming to get me" smile but just could not fully capture it.

Here are the Attempts lol

I know every mom most likely says this but I am going to say it any ways! I swear I have the cutest Baby ever! He is started to get over the flu and I am so every grateful for that! Maybe I can start to rest more and get feeling better myself. As I type this he is sleeping in my arms So Lets create I can place him in his crib and get some sleep. 

Love and light from the truly happy and blessed Mama.