one hour

one hour left of this year. I wanted to post this things that I learned.
Yes some if not most of the Lessons were hard and painful and I know not if I have full grasped them yet. I pray so cause I feel I can not take the lessons any more. At least not over and over again.
I have learned the value there is in some one honest. For how few there is in this world that are fully honest. Do not the liars see the hearts they break? No I feel they do not for if they truly knew they would lie no more.
I have learned the skill of moving on. You see there are not worth the pain of setting around daydreaming it would have turned out different. Sometimes it is better just to never ask why.
I am a strong woman. When you think you got me down, got me right were you think you want me Here me ROAR! I am the master of holding my head up and moving on. If it does not work for me then goodbye.
Another lesson I learned this year. My body can endure alot of pain! haha and make something so beautiful that I feel will bring tears of joy to my eyes for the rest of my life. My Son!
I Have amazing friends. Nikki. Who is always there for girl talk! And I love her light. Alveda. My life long best friend! No she is my forever bestfriend and no matter how dumb I act she still is there to smile at me and push me along. Justin. My sweet Bestie who knows how to make me feel better and is the best for talking about boys with! Ryan. Who can make me smile in the darkest moments and make those moments seem so light, his friendship is priceless. Dori Is great to share stories with and is always there to lift my spirits. JJ who Can make me laugh even when I want to cry, And so many more it would take me all next year to write it all down! Thank you dear ones!
Every thing is a lesson we just have to choose to learn from them. What did 2014 teach you?

Such a fool

You took me for a fool.
A perfect dream for you to wish upon
never to be with tho, I cant believe I fell for it!
I am just your other woman.
You see I am done
NO more games. no more pain.
You cant have this heart
you can just forget my love.
Midnight kisses, staying up just to hear from you.
Your so far. perfect for your ploy..
Did you not know my heart.
Heart break, how dare you.
Well you will see! I made with out you before.
I picked up the broken pieces then what makes you think I cant do it again.
I am no fool.
I am so powerful.
Next time you play some one for I fool Think again
Before you mess with a Goddess!
There is no explaining you dug too far.
Goodbye Goodbye,
The end.

A new year list

A new year is just about here. 2014 amazed me with its ups and downs.  From the first day to the last High lighting some. Jan 2014 I found out I was pregnant. I was planning on telling my husband I was leaving him and then I got really sick.. going to the store on a hunch I bought a home pregnancy test. It came with two luckily because the first was a dud the 2nd one changed my life forever. I chose to give my husband a chance to prove her could be a husband and father. Morning sickness, Tears, new mommy fears, Fights, Separation, Watching him move on. I moved home to kanab after having to quit my job due to super power strength morning sickness. Watching My husband give up on me was hard but I knew it was coming. When he had a chance to sweep me off my feet show me he could be a dad and be the one to love me he hid with a video game in front of him, when I asked him to make the choose and he did not I made it for me. More morning sickness, Then labor pains. I moved in with my mom so she could keep an eye on me... she walked and walked and walked me. there were a few false alarms then he came on his due date, Sept 26th 2:45 AM. My water broke the day before at 1:00 PM when I was reaching for a chocolate bar haha. I rushed to the bathroom to see what was up because it just felt like a small gush, brushed it off and told my mom I was fine. She told me to get dressed that we would take a walk so after dressing and walking out to tell her I was ready I ended up telling her it was time to go to have a baby because little gush became bigger. Laboring for many hours with my best friend, mom and grandma there we had a few scares when his heart stopped. Then he was here rushed away with out me holding him The nurses worried about getting him to breathe the Doctor worried about my blood loss and getting me to stop bleeding. 45 min later I got to hold my little boy for a moment. then he was taken out and I was left alone in the room with just my bestfriend. a few hours later we followed my baby to St. George  as he was light flown there for an infection in his lungs. Five days there and then we finally got to come home. And then its been mommy time the whole time, learning and growing the whole time. Another highlight would be coming into contact with a "old Beau" I learned my feeling for him had never died the way they did with the rest, like they did with my husband. Being back in contact with him has been delightful, he is defiantly some one I can talk to. So there is the high lights of the year HUGE and life changing.

2015 will hold much!!

I do not write new year Resolutions for they are known for just being promises broken so instead I will write what is going to happen this year.

~I will first and foremost love my self more.
~ I will love others more openly.
~ There will be more Adventures of course.
~ And I will be trusting my heart more.
~ Things will go smoother.
~ I will look on the bright side more.
~ I will be healthier.

2015 is looking great with a great love for my self and those around me and even those I can not see or be near, With great Adventures waiting for me, as I trust my self and my heart completely, A year of bright possibilities and a smooth flow to it, A year to take on my wishes and wants. A year of my body releasing unneeded weight and garbage. 2015 looks like a fun year! Bring it on!!

I have to say that so far this is by far the most depressing new year yet. shut up in a bed room Feel like I have been hit my a truck.. Sick baby, sick me, sick house hold and just found out more lies. can I cry?

A dream

you know what would be amazing if I could do. Buy this place. I know its in Kanab and so far from My impact friends and family But if I owned it then there is no rent right? and then Malaki would never have to worry about a place to live and I would never see a place be taken away from me again, My parents could go off and do their thing but if ever they deserved to I would be here with a place for them to fall back on. There would be a place for any of my family during their trials. My grandparents are done with this home but I am not. they can go off on their adventure and I can make this a home for Malaki and how lovely it would be. I love my grandma and papa but grandma is nutty when it comes to her house its like nothing of the baby's can be in sight. If it was my home there would be a toy box in the front room stuff animals here and there for him to find and play with. Every thing would have its place of course Malaki could have his own nursery if it was just me here. Or we would be in the master bed room where where is much more room and think of all the space we would have for storage out in the shed. I could keep chickens for eggs. I would have to find someone willing to sell me goats milk tho. Yes I know how to milk a goat but I rather not fight with the city about having a Goat. And plus milking a goat is too much and if this dream was to work I would have to work. oh how it would be to own a home.
And someday I will. I have a feeling there is much more I will go through before I get to that point.

Here we go again

Ok I hate to write too sad toned posts in a roll but life just does not play out as we would want it to. Grandma is letting the people next door win. They have been trying to get her to move for a while now by complaining to the City about every little thing and now she is leaving. I do not feel she is being the smartest with her planned actions, She wants to move into an RV in my uncles yard. I give her a week before she starts going crazy. So where does that leave me and my family. That leaves me with no choice to get a job maybe even two. So that I can maybe keep this home... you see I have no where to go. and my mom and dad would be with out a home too if this place falls out from under us. And I am so Tired of it! Why do I get this awful feeling like I am an awful person for bringing Malaki in to all this. Mom cant work... Dad cant work. All is left is me. I guess it is better here with family then on my own some where. If I can some how just get a job that will pay me enough to make it through I might be able to hold on for a bit. perhaps I was stupid in the chooses I made in my life But I know one thing I love Malaki more than any thing else in this world and he is not going to have to live a life like me... losing home after home and always wondering if we will make it through.. Being an adult but not sure if leaving your mom and dad behind for another life is the best thing... because you might be the only one that can do any thing. Can I just say.. Hello Family, Goodbye life... ( this reminds me of a twist on " Hello Sister, Goodbye Life" a movie I watched not too long ago. ) I love my family and will do any thing to make sure they are ok. So here is me stating the honest truth. Time to grow up, Become the one thing I never wanted to be ( a working mom ) and get things taken care of.

Baby boy is sick

Malaki is sick and more than anything I want to fix it. Yes I know I am in for a whole life time of colds, flu bugs, bumps and booboos but he is just a baby!! I have barely left the bed myself for two or maybe it has been three days. I mean its kinda nice since my ankle is killing me!!

I watched a cute teen chick flick tonight about Cupid giving up being Cupid and all his powers to be with some one he loved and then after like 20 years of marriage he ends up giving up a really good business that he loves for that same woman because he loves her that much. I want a guy that would do that for me, no if he had all that I would not ask him to give any of it up for me. But the smaller things I gave had guys choose the stupidest things over my love... Like video games, exes, drugs, even a "look" you know they where looking for that skinny light beach blond and i wound have ruined the look they were working on. So watching this guy who gave up so much just for his love was amazing. And then I also wanted to tell at the woman who kept running away. " hey you! You got such a great guy! Heck he is Cupid! And you walk away?!" Stupid woman!! 

I guess what I am saying is I want some one to show me they love me by giving up what ever it is that stands in our way. I would give up something if asked by the man I love.. Tho I don't know that I have that is standing in the way... But there could be that I just don't see who knows it could be my blogging! 

Loving my body day 4

I love my hourglass shape it makes it fun to wear belts and fancy stuff! 

I love how my legs are so sexy in leggings!! 

I love ly elbows, haha no I don't have an elbow fetish I just love how my elbows look I know a lot of People with sad looking elbows! 

I am beautiful just the way I am! And I am blessed to have dome one who sees just how beautiful I am. He loves me even when I am in my pjs, no make up and messy hair. 

News on the ankle. Very badly sprained, the doc wanted me in crutches and high pain meds but I refused the meds because I have a three month old to wake up with. I really don't want to be in a really deep sleep! And well we will see about the crutches I will probably just tough it out! I do have to have a brace for 6 weeks. 

Day three - I love my body

A little late writing this one it is Christmas!!! Merry Christmas!!!  Two as getting up off my moms bed after stuffing stockings my ankle folded in half. Now I can't walk on it. It's so painful I am sick to my stomach, but it's Christmas and I don't want to spend it in the ER. It's my baby's first Christmas. If it continues to hurt like this after every thing perhaps then I will go. 

On with today no pic 

I Love my right foot for even tho it is working over time it still holds strong. 

I love my finger nails, the naturally grow long. 

I love my skin it is very clear and showered with angel kisses ( freckles)  

My challenge to me

So after I got pregnant and had malaki I have been struggling with accepting my body new with abit of flabby loose skin and stretch marks. I never feel pretty any more. Not like I use to so I am changing that, no I am not going to go on a crash diet, can't afford those fancy new wraps, not the type to exercise hardcore. I am just going to start loving my body and accepting it for what it is. A great tool that had been working hard . Heck 3 months ago it finished making another living being! So here we go.

I love my lips 

They are the prettiest shaped and so full. 

I love my eyes. Big deep and can shine so bright. 

I love my thin wrists. 

Each day I will list 3 new things that I love about my body! I will post a pic for all to see, and I will accept that this body is perfect for me! 

Day two of loving my body

Day two. 

My calfs are very toned and muscular. They are beautiful smooth in all their pale white glory! 

My hair even when wet just from the shower is suitable for a photo with out even running a blush through it. My hair is beautiful. 

My lips need no lip stick to be red and beautiful they are naturally that way and heck I never need that lip thickener stuff my lips are perfectly full. My lips are one of my favorite!! 

I am beautiful from head to toe. I am lovely in my skin! I am thankful for who I am! 

Life updates

Teaching my son how to sleep in his crib may be harder in me than on him... My bed feels lonely with out him laying on my chest or taking up half the bed. I want to go over and sneak him into bed with me to cuddle for abit like I am used too.. Yes it makes for late nights but look at the time now 2 am and I am still up even tho he is in his crib. 

Getting a dicorce is complicated I went to the court house and they sent me online I go online and the send me to the court house! Sigh why can't it be as simple as he is gone! End of story! 

While we are on that subject I have desided that getting a divorce in a small town when you have a baby can be frowned upon just as much as having a baby out of wedlock. Why? You might ask... I don't know ask those that stopped talking to me all together because I told them I was going to divorce my husband. 

Well Malaki is asleep now ( in his crib *pout*) so I best fall asleep in my bed 

Advent Calendar~Day 22

I missed a few days,, just been busy. but here we go

I found another cute move put on by those little kids and had to post it 

 And to make up for days missed here is Some super cute gift wrapping Ideas.

Advent Calendar~ Day 19!

Christmas Hacks! 

 Serve guacamole the festive way with pita bread and pretzel sticks.

Use a cardboard box wrapped in gift paper as your garbage receptable on Christmas morning.

Make your Own Advent Calendar!! 

Dont have a fire place? Make one!! Just please do not light a fire in it!! 


Christmas Breakfast any one? 

Christmas Gifts

kinda like this one

You know its like Christmas gifts to my baby are gifts to me. I know I am more excited about them then he is, and really its things that I want for him than things he wants. I have him pretty much shopped for. No the Two original Items that I wanted for him, a mobile and a Floor gym were not bought for him. The mobile because the place that I looked for him one did not have the kind I want. I want a plush one with bright soft toys on it not one with hard toys on it.. So that was my fault for being too picky, and the floor gym I just could not afford it. But he has some nice stuff coming... A few really cute outfits, some really cute floor toys ( for when he is abit older) A bouncer I found at the thrift shop ( it was covered in dirt and ketchup ) I got it cleaned up and it looks pretty good now, that will be his gift from Santa. I already have one that I got from the thrift store before and I use it like crazy I place him in it when I shower and have him near the shower or I will lay him in it as he sleeps. The only thing is none of the lights or things work on the one I have had for him so this one I have for him for christmas is better and it is cuter!

This is the Exact one! Tho my monkey
 is missing the rings that he holds. 

So Buying Christmas for Malaki is like buying Gifts for me! They are just all centered around him. So yes I am Excited for Christmas Cause I know what Malaki is getting for Christmas and they are for me too!!!

Advent Calendar ~ Day 18!

Been cooking Christmas Candy for the last few days. Peanut brittle, shatter glass candy, and will be cooking up some fudge soon too maybe even difinaty. Christmas is not Christmas with out Candy lol. What is your Favorite Candy around the holidays. I love Candy Canes... the peppermint kind!And i have found a new love for divinaty this year.

Challenge for you!
Choose your Favorite Candy and take some to share with a friend!

Advent calendar~ day 17

It snowed!!!  I always say that I would be ok a winter with out snow. Then each year the closer it gets to Christmas the more I want snow! I would be content just going and visiting the snow for a few days but I guess I got to have some snow. 

 

So in honor of the snow here is my favorite story

The Meaning of the Snowflake

Every new snowflake comes to the earth
is a picture of our Saviour’s birth,
because they are sent from up above
and remind us of God’s care and love.

Each one is so intricate and small
because Christ sees the details of us all,
and just as two are never the same
the Lord knows and calls us each by name.

Snowflakes gently cover the world in white
and hide what’s unlovely from our sight,
showing us how He covers our sin
and gives us His grace when we come to Him.

So may every snowflake bring Christ to mind
and in every bit of white may you find
a reason to celebrate anew
and a reminder of His love for you.

 

Advent Calendar ~ Day 16

Better get your letters into Santa! 

Here are a few that might give you some Ideas... or just make you chuckle! 

"Dear Santa.
I wish for him ( you know the one I mean) standing under the mistletoe on christmas morn waiting here for me,"

Advent Calendar~ Day 15

I am posting more Christmas Music in honor of just finishing another wonderful Canyon Singers Christmas Concert! 

No I do not have a recording of it sadly but it till was a wonderful night!
 These are a few of the songs we sung

Advent Calendar ~ Day 14

Christmas is such a fun time of the year and even funner when there are little kids around! Make waiting for Christmas fun for every one with some fun arts and crafts for every one.

This is one of my favorites and then can be hung on the tree or given as cute gifts or even used to dress up a package!
 
This one is fun cause each kid can decorate their own bedroom door with their own style of snow man!!




Playing with your food!! 

Advent calendar ~ Day 13

The greatest gift

The greatest gift of all is a child. For it was a child that was born so long ago that we now celebrate this time every year, a child who brought us the freedom we have today. And it is a child that I find my self laying awake each night over filling with love and gratitude for! I wonder at the feelings mary had while looking at her baby boy for I know that the feelings I have while looking at mine are with out words to explain, mary tho had The Lord laying there in her arms. Wow the awe that must have been over her plus him being her first born! Good heavens I am sure I only feel a tenth if what she felt and yet it is extraordinary what I feel ! If I could ask any mother ever there was for advice it would be Mary.

Advent Calendar ~ Day 12