Halloween done

Waste not

Tired of carving pumpkins just to throw them away after halloween. Well I have decided to apoint the day after Halloween, Nov 1, as Pumpkin day. I will be cooking the pumpkins since we did not carve them.. but painted, and then I will be placing the pumpkin in jars for later. and tonight I found the perfect recipe for the pumpkin other than my famous Pumpkin cookies.

Pumpkin soup

3 table spoons butter
1 pound pumpkin puree
1 quart chicken broth
1 small onion
1 can chicken
some dry basil
grated cheese

Saute Onions in the butter for 5 min
add pumpkin, chicken broth, can of chicken,  and bring to boil.
Add a handful of grated cheese and add a dash of basil for color.

Remember

With all the make up and dressing up that will happen tomorrow, rather you dress to scare, impress, express your self or just to have fun remember who you are and how beautiful you are. There are so many out there willing to tell you other wise in a heart beat but dont hear them through! Look deep with in and see the truth. So rather you dress up as a princess/prince, or a monster remember how beautiful you are.

Beauty Tip

For Attractive lips, speak words of kindness. 
 For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people. 
 For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry. 
 For beautiful hair, let a child run their fingers through it once a day. 
 For poise, walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone. 

So many strive to look like those around them, when why on earth would you want to blend in! You are beautiful just the way you are. If you stand out, Great! How wonderful it is to be your own beauty or handsome. ( I know I have male readers as well and I also mean for this message to be for you as well) Who would want to live in a world where there is only one kind of beauty. Lets say every one is a yellow rose... yellow roses would get old really fast ( yes men I am relating you to flowers, delight in it its not every day you are called a Beautiful flower) The worlds beauty lies in the difference of each thing we look at. Never shall you see the same sunset nor will you ever see the beauty of that same flower once it fades, so be you! Be the blue violet or pink snapdragon! Be your beautiful and stand out! For you are the only one that can be you! 

I Challenge each that read this to post on facebook in their status your favorite flower and favorite color in taking a stand for being you!

(example: Red Rose)

Take it on! 

Happy Halloween

So with all the Activities going on tomorrow I am not sure if I will get to wish my readers a happy halloween so just in case, Here it is HAPPY HALLOWEEN. promise some pictures Asap.

Then and Now

Sunday I stood in my highschools halls, same lockers as before, similar posters rooting for the football team, not the same me. Almost 6 years now wow
so in honor of the different me I have looked up some old quizes I took back then and I am going to do a now and then on them.
Now                                                                      Then
A - Age: 18 ~ 24 
B - Bed size: Cot size ~ queen

C - Chore you hate: Laundry in the camp ~ sweeping

D - Don't eat : Tofu ~ Bananas and Lima beans 

E - Essential start your day item: giggles or whispers of campers ~ Baby starts fussing and every one else is up 

F - Favorite board game: right now with all the girls Candy land ~ monopoly 

G - Gold or Silver: Silver ~ silver

H - Heigh: 5'6" or 6” ~ 5' 6 

I - Instruments you play(ed): clarinet ~ Clarinet hardly 

J - Job title: Girl Scouts of Utah Summer Camp Councelor ~ mommy 

K - Kid(s): some day I will have some ~ Malaki Jacob Marshall my month old son

L - Living arrangements: depends on the week but mostly a tent ~ live with my family packed in a small house 

M - Mom's name: Tammy ~ same mom as before lol 

N - Nicknames: Rebekah Rose, Rose, Belle, Bellah, Pooh bear, Sweetpea, tawta, Tada, Bekah ~ pretty much the same except now I have a few more... Bells, Princess, Beautiful Bellah, 

O - Overnight hospital stay other than birth: YES ~ well ya 

P - Pet Peeve: Girls no taking their buddies every where ~ cups being stolen and washed when I was going to use it again

Q - Quote from a movie: Hustan we have a problem ( random one that poped into mind) ~ 
The journey is what brings us happiness not the destination- The peaceful Warrior 
R - Right or left handed: right ~ same as before 

S - Siblings: I little sister ~ Elisabeth is still my sister 
T - Time you wake up: 6:30 – 7:00 ~ every two hours mostly haha 

U- Underwear: um what about them I wear them if that is what you mean ~ oh I love the boy cut like little tiny short short shorts 

V - Vegetable favorite: most but Lima beams. ~ squash 

W - Ways you run late: girls can’t find sunblock,jackets, or water bottles. ~ Dressing, Feeding, or rocking a baby 

X - X-rays you've had: I dunno ~ fingers and ankles mostly  


Y - Yummy food you make:Cookies ~ I can cook like a crazy good

Z - Zoo favorite: I love everything in the zoo when I get the chance to go. ~ when they have butterfly houses 


Quiz # 2 
Now                                                                               Then

 WHAT WAS YOUR:

  1. Last beverage: Green Water~ hot coco 

  2. Last phone call:Cayden~ Alveda

  3. Last text message:Cayden~ Sam 

  4. Last song you listened to:why don't you kiss her~ some meditation music 

  5. Last time you cried: tonight~ i tear up here and there 

 HAVE YOU EVER:

  6. Got back with someone you've broken up with: No~ yes and pondering if I will again 

 7. Been cheated on: Well Yes I guess so.. he married some one after telling me he would be coing back for me~ yes a few times 

8. Kissed someone & regretted it: Every last kiss I have given~ I regret nothing I learned from them even those really bad kisses haha 

  9. Lost someone special: yea ~ oh yeah defiantly lost some one dear 

  10. Been depressed: yes~ has not every one at one point you just have to know to get back up an push on 

 11. Been drunk and threw up:no ~ almost 

 LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS:

 12. green~ Green 

 13. white~ White 

 14. Red~ Blue

THIS YEAR HAVE YOU: (2010) ( 2014) 

 15. Made a new friend: yes~ yes 

  16. Fallen out of love: tried to~ well yes 

  17. Laughed until you cried: yes~all the time 

 18. Met someone who changed you: ya~ inspired me to change yes 

 19. Found out who your true friends were: yes~ oh yeah they really stuck there for me

  20. Found out someone was talking about you: ya haha ~ well I am sure of that 

  21. Kissed anyone on your Facebook friend's list: no ~ yes maybe a few haha 

  22. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life: all but maybe like 5~ I know them by spirit 

  23. How many kids do you want?: as many as I can have~ well 2 or three would be nice let me get use to being a mommy before I say 

  24. Do you have any pets?: Puppy My Cat~ Cats! I still have puppy he is old and mean as ever then I have a few more cats 

  25. Do you want to change your name: well I kinda did~ I am Bellah I am Rebekah I AM that I AM 

  26. What did you do for your last birthday?: um. went to Las Vages ~ oh goodness what did I do? sleep? haha 

  27. What time did you wake up today?: 10:30~ the fisrt time?

  28. What were you doing at midnight last night? watching a movie with Sam, Alveda And Jenni in the commons area with alot of other people~ feeding a baby probably

 you CANNOT wait for: Seeing some one~ Halloween! Chritstmas! Sunday! Seeing my LMT3 fam again 

  30. Last time you saw your Mother: 2 three weeks ago~ before she went to bed

  31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life? I really don't know~ I love my life and know that I am on my perfect path 

 32. What are you listening to right now: My roommates say goodnight~ my grandma is watching a documentary and what i just heard was about some king having his guts torn out as he was alive o.o 

  34. Who is getting on your nerves now?: confusion~ headache I have had since I delivered Malaki

 35. Most visited webpage: facebook, and hotmail~ Facebook and blogger 

  36.Whats your real name: Rebekah Jean Marshall ~ well its the same Except there is some papers that say my name is Rebekah Jean Lux but thats not going to last much longer

  37. Nicknames: i have so many! Bellah, Bells , Rose, Giggles, flowerchild, Tink, Jean, Jeany, Bekah, tada, Sis, Sunshine, Sweatpea, pooh bear, Pumkin princess, and lots of others ~ yup that covers most of them 

  39. Zodiac sign: Leo~ same

  40. Male or female?: female ~ I am still female 

  41. Primary School?: Home`~ was home schooled

 42. Secondary School?: Kanab middle

 43. High school/college? : Kanab High School/ Snow college

 44. Hair color: Dark brown ~ redish brown

 45. Long or short: longish but wanting longer ~ med I am growing it out 

 46. Height: 5'7"~ 5'6 no i did not shrink its just more accurate 

  47. Do you have a crush on someone?: um ya~ it might be more than a crush... 

 48: What do you like about yourself?:  I am good with peaple, I can cook almost any thing. I am strong, I am me!~ I AM Me! 

  49. Piercings: ears~ well my ears are most likely closed up 

  50: Tattoos: none ~ none but now I can say there was a time I thought of getting one 

  51. Righty or lefty: Right~ same as before 

 FIRST:( these are the same as before haha) 

 52. First surgery: um I have had so many I am not sure any more what the firsst one was

  53. First piercing: ears my aunt had it done when I was a babay

  54. First best friend:" Batman"

 55. First sport you joined: Dance

  56. First vacation: um camping?

 57. First pair of trainers: I DK

RIGHT NOW:

 58. Eating: nothing~ nothing

 59. Drinking: Green water~ nothing but I am so thirsty haha just dont want to wake the baby in my lap 

 60. I'm about to: Go to bed~ message a friend back on fb 

 61. Listening to: The Fans hum.~ Grandmas movie 

 62. Waiting for: myself to grow tired enough to crash~ nothing really I guess maybe my friend to right me back 

 63. I'm feeling: lost~ thirsty 

YOUR FUTURE :

  64. Want kids?: Yes~ have one I love him so much more? maybe someday 

  65. Get married?: Yes some day soon~ well still working on getting unmarried 

 66. Career: Mother wife and perhaps other~ stay at home mommy and artist 

 67. Lips or eyes: Eyes~ both 

 68. Hugs or kisses: both~both

 69. Shorter or taller: taller~ taller what does this have to do with my future! 

  70. Older or Younger: older`~ older 

  71. Romantic or spontaneous: Can I have both...? Fine Spontaneous for sure~ romantic 

 72. Nice stomach or nice arms: arms ~ does it matter i want his heart 

  73. Sensitive or loud: both? I want him to speak his mind but be sensitive in doing so~ ohh i like what I said before 

 74. Hook-up or relationship: relationship ~ I am a mom! of course I want a relationship. plus I did my hook up days I am done now 

HAVE YOU: 

 75. Kissed a stranger: yea~ yes 

 76. Drank hard Liquor: no~ yes 

 77. Lost glasses/contacts: no~ yes 

  78. Sex on first date: No~ ok no judging me! yes 

 79. Broken someone's heart: yeah. :(~ sadly a few more than I like 

 80. Been arrested: no~ no 

 81. Turned someone down: yes~ oh yeah lots 

 82. Cried when someone died: yes~ yes 

  83. Fallen for a friend: oh Ya~ haha ya 

 DO YOU Believe IN:

  84. Yourself: i try~ defiantly! I AM Amazing 

  85. Love at first sight: yes and no. depends when you ask~ yes I do still in love with the one I loved at first sight 

 86. Heaven: Deff~ I know its there 

  87. Santa Claus: loHaha Sure why not!~ yes he is the spirit of giving 

88. Kiss on the first date: how long did I know him before the date? and probally not~ I have done that 

  89. Angels: yes~ oh yes they are every where.... some reading this now 

90. God: yes~ for sure! 

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:  

 91. Had more than 1 girlfriend/boyfriend at a time:  no ~ yup not that i was proud of it 

 92. Did you sing today?: yes as I cooked~ no It would have been wise for me to have 

 93. Did something illegal?:um Maybe..hehe I will leave you all guessing~ might have not sure nothings coming to mind.. I dont wear my seatbelt all the time 

 94. If you could go back in time, how far would you go?: oh all over clear to the creation perhaps just to see~ just to visit? well I want to see so much!! knights! Dinos! Christs birth! 

 95. The moment you would choose to relive? oh there are many but then there are many more to come so why relive one when a new one is on the way?~ I would relive any moment of joy with my loved ones 

 96. Are you afraid of falling in love?: Yes, I have kinda I think and it hurts~ well not so much afraid of the falling in love more of getting hurt but thats ok lessons to learn 

 97. When was the last time you lied?: tonight when some one asked if I was ok ..~ well i did not tell my friend that I swore at some one just replaced the swear words with good words so not to shock her.. I dont swear very often 

 98. Are you usually late, early or right on time?: Early or right on time hate being late~ mostly early 

99. Would you give your life to save someone else's?: Yes in a heart beat. I have a huge motherly side and would do any thing to protect those I love or even a stranger ~ no... I know that sounds selfish but I get to honor my life I will do every thing in my power to assist them but I vote me. For if I am not alive then there is nothing I can do to assist any one.
  100. Are you afraid of posting this as 100 truths?: no~ nope

Now~ 2014

then~2009

I guess not a huge change in looks... haha abit tho

What Leo says about me

I am Leo, born Aug. 2nd...Love triumphs over all for this sign, which is ruled by the heart and operates from this dimension too. Leo's are born fortunate. Charismatic and positive-thinking they attract not only an abundance of friends and opportunities, but manage to survive life's stormy times with style and good humour. 

Once a Lion is committed to a relationship, they are totally devoted and faithful. Should their heart or trust be broken they never forgive or forget. When a relationship breaks down (even a long standing one) they can disappear into the sunset without a backward look. Leos can cut ties, and leave others heartbroken, but usually there is a good reason why they have broken a tryst. For a Leo, when a relationship is over, really over, it is over for good. 

There are three levels of soul-evolution of the Leos. The highest is represented by the Sphinx; wise beyond their years and great teachers to others. The second is the Lion, King of the Jungle, ruled by ego but always protective and sustaining of those they love. The last is the Lion Cub, immature and undeveloped, frightened by anything new. These Leos cling to others (in the mode of the child not wanting to leave its mother's side).) They can't bear to be alone.  

A-Bit-O Halloween fun!

This looks like so much fun! 

What You Deserve

• Borax, 1 teaspoon
• Two bottles of white glue
• 1/2 cup of warm water
• Neon orange food coloring
• Green and black pipe cleaners
• Scissors
• Googly eyes
• Popsicle sticks 

What you do

• To create your Halloween Gak, pour two bottles of white glue into a large bowl. Fill the bottles with warm water, shake them and pour that water into the bowl along with the glue
• Add orange food coloring. We used neon orange gel food coloring because I wanted my orange gak to be super bright. We used almost half a tube of food coloring to achieve our bright orange color.
  Dissolve 1 teaspoon of Borax into 1/2 cup of warm water. Pour into the glue and food coloring mixture and stir until the gak comes together.

Lets play a game! Halloween can be made really fun if we just do stuff! 

I love decorating pumpkins and eating candy! but there is more we can do! lets play a game! 

Disconnected

I feel so disconnected from the world. I miss my Impact family more than any thing. This probably all came on because there is a Monday night training comeing up that again I will be missing. Yet I know I am where I get to be. Malaki has been quite the unhappy boy the last 3 days so I know even if I lived closer I might not have been able to go since my baby gas been crying a lot and I don't go any where with out him. Plus I dunno if I could handle Wil acting like a proud daddy of Malaki when he has not contacted us in a month again I would not want to start any thing in such a peaceful place. I have moved on from him and am ready to take the steps to divorce him. And maybe I am just being selfish of my baby but I create that if wil is going to just pop in every once in a while in Malaki's life he just does not show up at all. Malaki deserves stability not randomness. 

Well back to feeling disconnected I also kinda feel like that from my own family I live with, it's the oddest feeling ever. Perhaps this is all just a part of the baby blues, I have finally stopped bleeding ( yes lots of info that may not be wanted by some but deal its my life and my blog) but I still after a month feel off. It's funny cause reading about the baby blues they say you can feel disconnected from your baby, but that's not it at all for me he is the only one I feel close to right now. I have reached out to a few yet I can't shake this feeling. I feel when I go in for my six week check up I will be asking the doctor if there is anything I can do ( other than the fish oil since its not covering it) to balance out my harmones again. I am using some tools from my trainings to see if they will assist abit as well. 

Cherished songs

" is there a song that when it comes on it takes you back and makes you smile?"

I have a few cause music really speaks to me,

" everything" by Michael buble 

It as the theme for my junior year and we danced to it and I had a blast dancing to it so every time it comes on I smile and want to dance or at least sway along.

" smile" by uncle 

It was our song.. He chose it for us. Rest in peace my dear friend. 

" a thousand years" 

I use to sing it at karaoke and I sung it for the guy I was with. It was my way of telling him how much I loved him I was afraid to tell the fullness of my love any other way. It will ways be dear to me as the man who I sang it for. 

" a river flows in you" 

All piano but it speaks straight to my heart it is like my spirit in a form of a song. 

I actually have more that I will post another time 

Holding every moment dear

I just feel he is growing so fast! I love my baby boy! 

Mom

I'm a mom. 

I spend most my day rocking a baby. 

My nights are full of diapers and bottles. 

Baby clothes piled here and there. 

I swear I always smell slightly of sour milk 

I wear my hair up and makeup is rare. 

Clothes are chosen out of comfort. 

I'm a mom.

Yet I still dream. 

I still stare out the window, 

Wonder if "he" would still want me.

Still stay up way too late. 

Wish on shooting stars. 

I am still young.

I still dream 

Keyboard twisted

Ever write something to someone and then go crazy over the anticipation of what they will say cause suddenly its like the fall off the earth. Ya that's how I feel right now. It's not even that big of a deal I know what ever I say and how ever people respond is all perfect. I just can't shake the feeling that I made a fool out if my self. I may be pretty good at words when I am writing not sure if any one will even read this but when it comes to writing to someone I know will read it at one point in time it's like I get tongue twisted in keyboard form. Haha so if you notice I don't message you back a lot on fb or maybe the opposite perhaps I write out a novel full of saying the same thing over and over again in different ways I am just " keyboard twisted" lol

Not alot of posts today

Due to waking up where I can not swallow I mostly slept today when ever Malaki would let me. I did go to the Dr. He really did not fully know what's up other than my temp is pretty high my body feels like I spent a week sleeping on a concrete floor and I have a soar throat. He said its most likely that I have an infection in my body and this is how it is manifesting its self. This infection could be the reason I lost it a bit last night too. It's a new experience for me being a mom let alone being sick at the same time. 

We shall see if I post any more tonight or not. 

Not a fan

Postpartum depression sucks. I am using the tools I know and I want to be happy and for the most part do really good but tonight I flipped its like it was thrown into full effect and it scared me so bad I went from wanting to harm my self to plotting running away leaving Malaki here for a while so that I could leave town to find good paying work to be able to take care of him and my family. I know I could not do either of them and its so my ego mind fighting to put me down but it's hard it's like my ego has hold of my body and emotions I feel tears swell when there is nothing going on at all. I love my little boy so much and feel he deserves so much and my ego loves to tell me I have nothing to give. I do tho.. I have my love. And that's just going to have to be enough I will get through these crazy moments and my body will balance out my chemicals soon. For now i ask for you to send love and light my way.  

28 WAYS T0 MAKE A Girl Smile.....

(thought this was cute)

[1] tell her she is Beautiful. not hot or fine.

[2] hold her hand at ANY moment even if it is just for a second.
...
[3] Kiss her on the forehead.

[4] leave her voice messages to wake up to.

[5] ALWAYS tell her you love her at any and all times.

[6] when she is upset, hold her tight & tell her how much she means to u.

[7] recognize the small things ..they usually mean the most.

[8] call her Sweetie or BABY.

[9] Sing to her no matter how horrible your voice is.

[10] pick her over all the OTHER girls you hang out with.

[11] write her notes.(she loves them)

[12] introduce her to family & friends as your girlfriend ( or more)

[13] play with her hair.

[14] pick her up, tickle her, & play WRESTLE with her.

[15] sit in the park & just TALK to her.

[16] tell her funny jokes, tell her stupid jokes, just tell her joke.

[17] throw pebbles at her window in the middle of the night just because u missed
her.

[18] let her fall asleep in your arms.

[19] carve your names into a TREE.

[20] if she`s mad. Kiss her !

[21] give her piggyback rides.

[22] bring her flowers just because.

[23] treat her the same around your friends as you do when you`re alone.

[24] look her in the eyes & Smile.

[25] let her take as many pictures as she wants.

[26] SL0W DANCE with her, even if there isn't any music playing.

[27] KISS HER IN THE RAIN.

[28] if you`re in love with her tell her.

Me

I am unique you will never find another like me. I am crazy about the holidays and hold to traditions, Christmas trees, paper hearts,pumpkins, parades, wearing green, the whole bit. I am a hopeless romantic, bring home roses and watch me melt even if they are plastic or even any real or plastic flower haha. I love to write out my feelings watch out if I get on a rant And you are the one in my focus. I read romance novels. I love peanut butter m&ms with York mints, I eat chocolate in my popcorn, sea food and fresh fruits are my favourite. I don't do mustard or bananas, won't drink milk with out chocolate or strawberry in it. I am a pillow hog. Must build a snow man at least once when there is a snowy winter. I still stargaze and wish on shooting stars. I love to dress up in long flowing gowns, yet I love my blue jeans. I love to sing opera and listen to classical music yet I love to dance around the house to a good beat and listen to my country. I love to camp and fish. I dream in color. I hate wearing shoes. I love wearing long hooded cloaks. I love to cook, can't cook boxed foods ( hamburger helper) I am Mormon but into crystal healing and energy work. I drum on full moons and dance when the sky feels alive. I hug trees and bless the ground. I either sleep on the very edge if the bed or up against the wall never in the middle. I hum and whimper in my sleep at times. I am me and that's who I want to be.  

A cherished person

My Daddy. 

Who knows if my daddy will ever give my hand away in marriage again seeing how he has been asked twice for my hand and one I left before he could get a ring on my finger and one I plan on divorcing. He has always been sceptic of those I date but he has always wanted me to be happy. So the next guy will have to really prove to my daddy he will be the man I deserve to have in my life. 

I guess I have always been a daddies girl even when my dad was not around that much. And yes we butted heads a lot when I was a teen but he has always been there for me and been very dear to me. I am so thrilled that he will be the one to bless Malaki when the time comes! I am so glad to have a dad just like my dad and I guess he is the one who raised the bar for what I want ad a husband and father for Malaki. My dad works hard to provide for the family even his grown daughter and her son, he assists around the house cooking and cleaning even when he is hurting and tired. He gave up smoking and drinking for his family, to get his family back. He has built a wonderful life for his kids even when the funds are low and life gets hard. 

Love you Daddy you are one amazing man! 

Long night

Malaki is not feeling too good and I don't feel too well my self I think he just has a tummy ache and wants mama to hold him and I love to hold him tho I will admit my eyes feel quite heavy. Haha the only thing somewhat keeping me going is awaiting the spaced out messages of a friend on Facebook and reading stupid articles on nonsense stuff.   

Cherished memories

" our minds are filled with priceless memories of childhood holidays, first crushes, and great parties never to be forgotten. Describe a few of your most valued memories." 

I am sure I will use this cherish challenge more than once for there are so many memories.

I was a junior in high school, felt awkward and ugly in my own skin. I was part of the prom committee, spent every waking moment in the gym decorating and planning. I did not have a date in fact the popular girls kept laughing at me cause I was giddy at the idea of dancing the night away. Then it happened the " most popular " and by far in my mind ,best looking  guy in my high school asked me to prom. I literally cried. Prom was amazing and on top of having the best date with shaving cream wars and dinner I was yet again surprised when I was crowned prom queen. I did dance he night away. 

I sat in the water the water fall just behind me , my eyes close I can feel the waters healing energy flowing over me. There is others around me yet I feel I am the only one there with the water embracing me and blessing me. I can see the world clearly, I am at perfect peace. 

Christmas of my first year of college I had very little money and my family were struggling, the only way I got to come home was my uncle gave my dad a jar of coins. We had gone to a Christmas party and where coming home to a small but happy Christmas at home , when there it was two huge boxes if gifts and food. It was a miracle. The live felt in the house that night was so great. 

 

 A back pack and a small duffle bag in the trunk Mary begged me to not do it as she drove me the five hours. I told her not to worry I would be back to sing with her soon yet she still worried seeing how I did not know how I would be getting home 4 days later. She dropped me off at the front doors and I watched her drive away. That was like watching my old ways of life driving away and I would not ever be the same. That was the day I took on my life. I did not come back 4 days later but two years later but those 4 days where the best days if my life and they just keep getting better, even with the ups and downs. 

I just wrote a few... 

I invite those that read to comment below some of their cherished moments, I would love to see! 

She..

What color are my eyes?

" What color are my eyes? 

Tell me why you say you love me?

Did you know they change colors? 

Would you forget me in a year?

Do you know their shade when I cry?

Are you sure your ready for forever with me?

Do they sparkle in the moon light?

Have you ever told another these same things? 

Have you seem them shine? 

Do you really love me true?

Tell me what color are my eyes?"

Cherished places

"Is there a particular park, vacation spot, or street that inspires good memories for you? Write about a few of your favorite places." 

There is a large rock, not far up on squaw trail in Kanab that Is covered in carvings. On the top is one carving that reads " RM + AB = BFF '09". The spring of our senior year Alveda and I would often go there and lay on top of that rock and read or sing or even nap after long days working on graduating. We loved the beautiful scenery that was around us and the idea we could just escape from all the world up there. 

Closets; haha I know it sounds crazy but that's where I would be found after getting upset infact it still is. I find peace sitting on the floor all the clothes hanging around and above me with dim lighting. 

In Ephraim behind the Mavrick is a historical park with a bridge, my dear friend Cayden and I once ran away to there and sat for a while talking, my first roommate did a photo shoot of me there, and my dad would meet me there to visit. 

The river in Midvale, right there by gardener village, I would sit there and ponder when I was with Mario, and would delay going home there after marring Wil. I loved sitting near the water and just be. 

My aunt elvas in Idaho. So many fond memories as my family spent family reunions there. 

Impact center. Any one who had been to the center knows what I am talking about! 

I have sooo many more! 

I challenge any who reads this to post in the comments your cherished places! 

Cherished

My best friend found an old book belonging to me with great challenges on what to write and I have decided to add that to this blog so through out you may see some "Cherished" posts 

Memory lane

I was living in my grandmas old house my room was pink, I had imaginary " little people ", 101 of them, I spend most of my day hanging in the old peach tree in the back yard or building tunnels in the sand box. I played with the little boy that lived on the other side of the fence, he liked to try to steal kisses. Grandma read me my history, mom taught me math, I could not wait for daddy to get home from work. Summers were full of camping and fishing.. I would sneak out to star gaze then get scared if the dark and run back inside. My dog rusty followed me around and would eat currents with me. I was scared of the laundry room due to seeing a pig hanging in there to be bbqed.. I would ride my big red and green wagon down hills , I loved digging in the dirt looking for dinosaur bones, I actually had a few. I had light blond hair dyed by the sun, my teddy bear went everywhere with me. Spending time on a computer meant school work, I could not wait to get outside. There was no telephone in the house had to use pay phones. I loved talking to the neighbour, mud was the best! Christmas was too short. I had too many teddy bears to count. I was young and free. 

Blowing kisses

I love how he some times forms his little lips into perfectly in an "o" shape and blows. This pic did not quite capture it I was a bit  too late. But its close! 

Dear Malaki

You are 2 weeks old and five days.i watched you sleep for hours tonight, you are so sweet a good lil guy who barely cries and when you do cry mama can usually pick you up and make you feel all better. We had a rough start with you having to be rushed to St Goerge and me tearing really bad and losing quite abit of blood. But we are good now. I still worry and wake up all the time in the night just to make sure you are breathing, haha you are the center of mommys world so of course I like to make sure you are ok. 

Your Aunt Alveda (my very best friend) and both your Grammy and great grandma were in the room when you were born. Your biological father had shown up as well and stressed me out abit during labor. He is not a bad man my love just did not know how to take care of us very well and mommy did not feel as strongly for him as most mommys feel for the man they are married to. You have his big feet and fuzzy ears, no he is not big foot he is actually quite a good looking man. I do not hate him nor hold any thing against him I just chose a different path for us, one I felt better for us both. 

You are your papas pride and joy. He never got a son just me and your auntie Elisabeth. So you are the boy he never had. 

Your aunt Elisabeth is 7 Years old and just loves you, she is always talking about teaching you stuff. 

Great grandpa loves to talk to you and I am so glad he is getting a chance to know since he is losing his memory and will only get worse with time. He is the one that wakes up early every morning to milk the goat and that is the milk you are growing on.  

Mom and you, Grammy, papa , auntie and your great grandparents all live in I one house together. Is the best way for us to take care if each other.  It's abit crouded but its family. And you are spoiled by them all there is hardly a moment you are not being held. Mama holds you the most tho you are too cute for me not to. 

As you grow my little Ki you will be taught so much but most of all you will be taught to love your self and know who you are because you are a magnificent, Devine, loving spirit being of light and you are meant for great things. 

I love you with all my heart. 

- love mommy 

Choir

I started back up with the "Canyon Singers" it's so nice to be singing again I really have not sung in so long, not since my first year of college. Ya I sung karaoke, but that was not really me singing to my fullest.. Really those who have not heard me sing on stage as a real performance have no idea what I can do. Haha I am not trying to brag or any thing just stating that karaoke is a total different world than actual performance. And also there is something about those bright lights shining on me and the knowledge of many people in the darkened seats that sends thrills through me and I sing to my best, with a voice only heard at that moment of pure excitement, nerves and fear. My best work is not in the practice room but on stage. No I never really went anywhere with my singing other than turn down a small scholarship to juliart ( due to lack of funds) but I still love to sing.. It lifts my soul so. 

Baby pictures

When I post

All these posts are going to be posted on the same day but have been written through the last two weeks. No Internet connection, but good news soon we will have Internet and then I will post more often. 

Wrapped around his little finger

He's got me wrapped around his lil finger he goes to sleep in his crib but by 5 am he is in bed with me snuggled up against me. I don't see a problem with it I keep him safe so no pillows or blankets can smother him, and I don't share my bed with any one else and don't plan to share with any one any time soon. 

I am starting to get into a habit of waking up every two hours, most of the time I wake up before the alarms. Yes I will admit some times I have to force my self up but I love every moment with Malaki. I. Have to laugh at some of the posts I have read about moms saying thank goodness it's their husbands turn to get up with their baby. I know that the man I am married too would not get up with my baby, and I also know that I could not just sleep through my baby's cry. I wake up to his whimpers in his sleep. I check to make sure he is still breathing several times a night. Maybe it's just cause he was in the NICU at first but I can't even leave him in his crib alone as I shower. Yes I am being an over protective mom but that's ok he is my baby and I would do any thing to keep him safe. That probably is the main reason I am so content being single. The man that ever holds my heart other than my son will have to gain my sons love and show that he will be a great daddy for my son. 

Mommy life

Funny how life can change in a blink of an eye, how fast I can change. One moment I am the first person in my life and not that I was selfish but I was the center of my world, then suddenly there is another in that place. He is 7 inches tall,  a bit more than 7 pounds and as of today (oct 3) 7 days old. He stole my heart, changed how I think, feel, every thing about my world. He is who I think of every moment of my life. I use to long for love of a great man, the perfect dream man, and now I am perfectly happy with it just being me and my angel.