Baby Update

Had a doc appointment yesterday.. All is well I have 9 weeks left. They said there was nothing they can do about the back pain so I just get to live with it for now. Malaki is doing great! He is growing right on time and before I know it he will be here in my arms!
I also talked to the doc about who will and will not be in the room during the delivery and he put me at ease when he told me that only those that I sign off will be allowed to enter the room. This is all so new to me from the sleepless nights and kicks to the thought of labor and delivery. So any info is a blessing to me lol. Grandma did mention that I do have it lucky with google and pregnancy apps on my Ipod and she is correct with those I usually am up to date on every thing new going on with my body and with the baby. Well today I am so tired and Kinda just uncomfortable so my update is going to be short and sweet.

Letters or notes

For the first few days after Wil had left I found myself often in the area he had stayed just looking for something a letter a note, one word even to say goodbye. Perhaps just for closure or something. Tho after texting him just to ask for an address to send some of his mail to him, I felt better all that was said was that I deserved the address and the address was given and that was it. 

I want the best for my son and want him to know that all I am doing now is for him, ya maybe not all haha popcorn and melted marshmallows is not the best to eat for him nor the other random surgery cravings I have. Still every moment I am thinking of my little angel. I feel I am going to start some letters to him so when he is older he may know what his mommy was feeling durning this time. 

And also for those who have requested it I will be getting more belly shots soon to post on here. 

I have been so blessed lately and have found many baby boy clothes that have been fairly cheap, mom and dad have been the best by buying what they can from yard sales and the thrift store. And many have offered the baby clothes and items they have had for their children. I am so grateful for them without them I know that I would be so lost in all this, every little thing assists me so greatly! Infact one of my moms friends made my day by saying she is making a pooh bear cake for my baby shower and also assisting in making a few invitations for those in my life that do not have a Facebook.( those that have Facebook or read this get to know that they are invited to the baby shower aug 16th 5 pm at my grandmas house) I know that even with me being a single mom with no income I will come out alright... I always do... Thanks to the angels in my life. 

a dear friend shared this with me.. it has been my favorite for about 5 years I still love it! it brings such peace to me!!

Time for New

Every since I was a teenager I have had a list. Some call it a bucket list others call it an ambition list to me it is a list of things I desire to and create that will happen in this life time. My list I had made as a teenager got set aside and a lot of the things on that list just don't mean as much as they use to to me so I choose to create a new list.

My New list 

Take my son to Disney world

Own a home

stand in two places at once 

change someones life for the better 

sing on Broadway

teach my son unconditional love

give my son everything I can 

be some ones everything

see the ocean

be kissed in the pouring rain

the the best mom I can be 

meditate in the great redwoods

find a man worthy to be the daddy of my lil angel 

Hug Norman 

Marry a man who can love and support me as I deserve

Have enough money to assist my family 

find a crystal point in nature

be a stay at home mom 

Fly

A time for goodbye

Last night ended with tears lots of them and I could feel that it was upsetting my lil Malaki as well and then today started out with my Daddy taking it in his own hands. My husband has now been kicked out. As I write I am aware that he has rented a Uhal and is quickly loading every thing up under my dads watchful eye. I do care for the man even tho it did not work out for us and I did not want this to end in anger or harsh words. I had desired him to leave peacefully and with out getting my papa bear involved but this was the way he created for himself by lingering and pressing the issue and not supporting his wife and son. It still hurts to see all this happen, you dont get married saying someday we will part... you get married with the thought of forever. I am strong tho, I have always known that I am one strong woman and tho a few tears are shed today there is always tomorrow and no matter what the day throws my way tomorrow the sun will come up and I will still carry on. I do send my love to the man I first said "I do" to and grant that his life may be as good as I create mine to be.

GoodBye
GoodBye
And Goodbye

days going by

I dont blog as often as I like seeing how I do not have internet where I am living but I do blog when I can today I am over at my bestfriends and I started a blog for the stuff my family is creating to sell for some extra money. With being separated from my husband I am really on my own for supporting myself even tho he still has not left my grandmothers house, In the last month i feel the nicest thing he has done for me is he brought home some dark chocolate for me last night, really he has been avoiding all my family and I for this time. He only has until the end of the month to find a place to go because with him living there I have no way of applying for assistance in food stamps or any thing even tho he is not assisting me in that way. I really long to do something to assist... I am unable to work due to being so close to my due date and I feel like I have now started to eat every one out of house and home. I seem to always be hungry so soon after eating, I have a feeling this baby is growing alot right now.
I spend alot of time wrapping stones, reading or assisting other family members in creating the stuff for them to sell. My back has started to hurt alot and so I am starting to slow down on alot of active stuff. I have this explainable want to do what is commonly known as "nesting" tho there is not much I can do with out having my own place, so no room to paint up all cute for Malaki or any thing like that.



 I like the Winnie the Pooh theme... so cute! I love love love it. Someday I shall be wealthy and own my own home and have the means to decorate how I want and do what I like when I want.

Not according to the plans

There was no yelling, no crying and no anger just a " we are done", a long chit chat on feelings and discussion on what was going to happen. Yes later I cried... not really sure why, I knew this was coming and it went alot better than I could play out in my head, maybe stress? or relief? or even the fact that this is the last thing you expect when you are getting married? There was forever spoken of not 10 months later. I know every thing happens for a reason and I was blessed by this relationship in the greatest way. I just never planned on all this, never planned on being a single mom, never planned on leaving a husband in fact alot of my life lately has not been up to plan. when I was 19/ 20 I had a plan, a mission for the LDS church, infact I had planned on serving more than one, sister missionaries are allowed to serve a few missions as long as they take a sum of months off in between. I planned on maybe getting married when I was like 26 or 28 years old, then being a stay at home mom and having 2 or 3 kids. Really marriage was the last thing I had on my mind. Then I was told no about a mission because of small town drama leading a stake Pres to choose that path for me. Not knowing what to do after plan A and my only plan had been placed aside I went searching for plan B. Some how a place called Impact found me and POW! life change! Planning out of the question! Life went from my planned out days to every moment a new twist and turn. Alot of them amazing and fun some more like the one now. So now here I am looking at my life and saying " wow! This was not according to the plans, Whats next for me?"