Love my body

I am still doing my daily " love my body " challenge I just have not been writing it every day and its awfully difficult to love your body when you are sick laying in bed 99.9 of the day. But I still do love my body it is fighting a good fight with this flu and tonight I will admit getting out of the shower into my brand new panties and a clean T I felt sexy! Lol then I put on grey sweats crawled into bed and ate a whole XL dark chocolate candy bar! So to continue my loving of my body 

I love my butt it's cute! Yes it's big and shows my black blood but its perfect!!

I love my stretch marks for what they remind me I have! A baby boy more amazing than ever having a models body.

My belly button! It's an inny and I could not imagine having an outy that just seems to weird me out! Haha no offence to those with outies!  

Late nights

It's actually quite funny how many times I crawl into bed get the blankets and pillows just right and then before I can go to sleep I am out of bed again!! Lol a few of tonight's reasons... Hear the iPod go off from behind the bed meaning moving the bed to get to it, suddenly coughing so hard I have to have water, look at the clock and realise its time to give Malaki his antibiotics and I almost forgot this means getting him a bottle made before waking him up and also changing a diaper then putting him back to bed! Haha now finally I am laying in my bed again and unless its for Malaki or some thing that can't wait til morning I am not getting out of bed! 

One odd question... Why is it that I find it easier to nap in the daytime when Malaki is asleep than at night. I find my self worrying ( especially with him being sick) at night, so I end up staying up all hours of the night listening for his breathing, watching to see if he is breathing or even over by his crib hand on his belly feeling him breath! It's like I am crazy!! What's the difference from sleeping in the day time from sleeping at night? Perhaps I will research this phenomenon one of these late nights. That and why humans are scared of spiders... It's like we are born afraid of them cause from my knowledge we are not taught to be afraid of them.. Are we? 

Its funny how the mind loves to "tries" to protect the heart by jumping to conclusions, blaming some one for things they did not do. Yeah I admit it. Last Night this is what happened to me. I was so quick to think that some one I care for was just like all the other guys.. the ones who spun webs of lies. really I felt Like a fool. I lowered my self so low to judge another with out even talking to them about it first.. to find out later after Crying to my bestfriends about it that He is still amazing and I was such a fool for all that I Thought I knew... When I have learned so many times!! Stop thinking and follow your heart!!!  I am so blessed that the one that I so misjudged is so willing to forgive and love me still. but isnt that what love is. how it should be... Fights that kill you inside but when you come to your scences you love them even more than before. Love is like as the river flows you know, Always keeping you on your toes because you never know what is around the next bend. A disaster! But perfect and Beautiful.. See because true love.. it is not broken by silly earthly thing like these. Nothing comes before love. Love is the most powerful thing... Why is it that we forget this.. why do why fight, why the tears, the distrust, lies and pain. I am creating different right here right now! I am creating love! Love of true deep romantic love where you end up old and grey together! Love of brothers and sisters where you stand for each other no mater what! Love of a family... Love of each and every one. Peace, Love beyond words.. Heaven on earth. And you may not believe in these things I know at one time I did not but Know that you have so much to see yet. I Believe and no I am not going to say that I will never fight with those I love or get mad, or cry again for you see those are all beautiful parts of love, they teach us how to love even deeper.

I am obsessed with this song mix right now!!

one hour

one hour left of this year. I wanted to post this things that I learned.
Yes some if not most of the Lessons were hard and painful and I know not if I have full grasped them yet. I pray so cause I feel I can not take the lessons any more. At least not over and over again.
I have learned the value there is in some one honest. For how few there is in this world that are fully honest. Do not the liars see the hearts they break? No I feel they do not for if they truly knew they would lie no more.
I have learned the skill of moving on. You see there are not worth the pain of setting around daydreaming it would have turned out different. Sometimes it is better just to never ask why.
I am a strong woman. When you think you got me down, got me right were you think you want me Here me ROAR! I am the master of holding my head up and moving on. If it does not work for me then goodbye.
Another lesson I learned this year. My body can endure alot of pain! haha and make something so beautiful that I feel will bring tears of joy to my eyes for the rest of my life. My Son!
I Have amazing friends. Nikki. Who is always there for girl talk! And I love her light. Alveda. My life long best friend! No she is my forever bestfriend and no matter how dumb I act she still is there to smile at me and push me along. Justin. My sweet Bestie who knows how to make me feel better and is the best for talking about boys with! Ryan. Who can make me smile in the darkest moments and make those moments seem so light, his friendship is priceless. Dori Is great to share stories with and is always there to lift my spirits. JJ who Can make me laugh even when I want to cry, And so many more it would take me all next year to write it all down! Thank you dear ones!
Every thing is a lesson we just have to choose to learn from them. What did 2014 teach you?

Such a fool

You took me for a fool.
A perfect dream for you to wish upon
never to be with tho, I cant believe I fell for it!
I am just your other woman.
You see I am done
NO more games. no more pain.
You cant have this heart
you can just forget my love.
Midnight kisses, staying up just to hear from you.
Your so far. perfect for your ploy..
Did you not know my heart.
Heart break, how dare you.
Well you will see! I made with out you before.
I picked up the broken pieces then what makes you think I cant do it again.
I am no fool.
I am so powerful.
Next time you play some one for I fool Think again
Before you mess with a Goddess!
There is no explaining you dug too far.
Goodbye Goodbye,
The end.

A new year list

A new year is just about here. 2014 amazed me with its ups and downs.  From the first day to the last High lighting some. Jan 2014 I found out I was pregnant. I was planning on telling my husband I was leaving him and then I got really sick.. going to the store on a hunch I bought a home pregnancy test. It came with two luckily because the first was a dud the 2nd one changed my life forever. I chose to give my husband a chance to prove her could be a husband and father. Morning sickness, Tears, new mommy fears, Fights, Separation, Watching him move on. I moved home to kanab after having to quit my job due to super power strength morning sickness. Watching My husband give up on me was hard but I knew it was coming. When he had a chance to sweep me off my feet show me he could be a dad and be the one to love me he hid with a video game in front of him, when I asked him to make the choose and he did not I made it for me. More morning sickness, Then labor pains. I moved in with my mom so she could keep an eye on me... she walked and walked and walked me. there were a few false alarms then he came on his due date, Sept 26th 2:45 AM. My water broke the day before at 1:00 PM when I was reaching for a chocolate bar haha. I rushed to the bathroom to see what was up because it just felt like a small gush, brushed it off and told my mom I was fine. She told me to get dressed that we would take a walk so after dressing and walking out to tell her I was ready I ended up telling her it was time to go to have a baby because little gush became bigger. Laboring for many hours with my best friend, mom and grandma there we had a few scares when his heart stopped. Then he was here rushed away with out me holding him The nurses worried about getting him to breathe the Doctor worried about my blood loss and getting me to stop bleeding. 45 min later I got to hold my little boy for a moment. then he was taken out and I was left alone in the room with just my bestfriend. a few hours later we followed my baby to St. George  as he was light flown there for an infection in his lungs. Five days there and then we finally got to come home. And then its been mommy time the whole time, learning and growing the whole time. Another highlight would be coming into contact with a "old Beau" I learned my feeling for him had never died the way they did with the rest, like they did with my husband. Being back in contact with him has been delightful, he is defiantly some one I can talk to. So there is the high lights of the year HUGE and life changing.

2015 will hold much!!

I do not write new year Resolutions for they are known for just being promises broken so instead I will write what is going to happen this year.

~I will first and foremost love my self more.
~ I will love others more openly.
~ There will be more Adventures of course.
~ And I will be trusting my heart more.
~ Things will go smoother.
~ I will look on the bright side more.
~ I will be healthier.

2015 is looking great with a great love for my self and those around me and even those I can not see or be near, With great Adventures waiting for me, as I trust my self and my heart completely, A year of bright possibilities and a smooth flow to it, A year to take on my wishes and wants. A year of my body releasing unneeded weight and garbage. 2015 looks like a fun year! Bring it on!!