Dating tips for single moms

I know I write alot about me, but then i am the one who writes this and i i am always changing.  So here we go again. I am bellah  tho if you are reading this moat likely you already know this. A bit about me, i am a single mother who lives with her parents. And before  you go off thinking i am a lazy person let me just let  you know that i am a mom. A full time mom. That means every waking moment. For those of you who roll over in the morning to hit that snooze button for the 3rd time. I get woken up any where from 3 to 4 times a night and in order to get some sleep it means heating a bottle or even rocking a baby in my arms for a while. Not that i am complaining in fact i love being a mom more than anything in the world.  So besides being a mom i have been learning that being a mom does not mean i can not be more than that. For some reason after having my baby i got it stuck in my mind that a mom is all i could and would ever be, that because i am a mom now i lost all that young, life loving sparkle. The thing is thats not true. I did not instantly become 10 or 20 years olded i am still in my mid twenties and that " single" part about being a single mom means that i still have that excitement of being able to date and find my match. Yes i admit dating is alot different wben you have a lil one at home that can decide that he does not want Grammy he wants Mama. So dates can be cut short or cancled all together. But as long as hou find a guy that is chill with the idea of a night out on the town being turned into a night watching Whinney the Pooh. Then sure dTing can be easy. But thats not always the case so here is some tips i have for those moms out there returning to the dating scene.
1. Dont be afraid to remind them that you are a mom. If you are like me and still in your midtwenties then many times they will get carried away with 
Hanging out late into the hours. Also alot of guys my age like to be spontaneous in their plans. As a mom that does make things alittle tougher. Just let them know right out.
2. Alone time is allowed! Lol i find my self feeling bad leaving my lil one in anothers care as i go off to spend it doing any thing! But its good for you!
And spending it on a date is even better. Relax and enjoy being pampered! How lovely it is to have doors opened for you for a change other that opening not only your door  but pulling a baby in and out of another as they fight you with their seat belt.
3. Much like two. Enjoy it. Let them treat you. Let them pamper you. How often do us moms get to just sit back and let some one else handle the night?
4. Dont waist your time. If you just cant see it going any where call it off. Saves you some time and them some time. And as a single mom we all know that time is presious!

Time to grow up

When I was 16 I wanted a big birthday bash and chose to cancel it so we could have money for my sister a nursery, when 18 I was at camp and the leaders forgot, until I brought it up. On my 21st I made my own cake and tho my parents and family did not forget it felt like it. And now I am getting ready to turn 25 and just canceled  a get together . All I wanted was to be with my friends. I miss my impact family so much. Ya I got to see them this last weekend but I swear that just made me miss them more. How odd to say that I am home sick. I am home sick for impact. Really that's what this all is. I could not care less about a dumb birthday party I would give up all birthday parties ever to be with my friends and family up north again. 

Clarify

OK so let me clear some stuff up.. the last post does not mean I am deleting my facebook of stopping my posts on here it just means I am taking more time to log off and life life unplugged! You can still contact me and in moments ( like this one ) when I have the time and desire I will get on line. I am just choosing to live my life fuller than Spending  every moment waiting for some one to talk to me or like my stuff. <3 love and light

Recreating myself

I am taking a stand. I am going to change my life. I am going to be me. I have spent far too long hiding in my room waiting for life to change. Now is the time for change. And this is only the start.

I am dressing to honor my inner goddess. Long flowing dresses! bright colors! What I feel Beautiful in! I dont care what others think If I feel beautiful so be it!

I am taking a stand for me and saying what gets to be!
What I know is for me I get to claim as mine!

I am returning to what I know works for me and stretching to learn new things as well.

I am taking on my training again and being an inspiration to others.

I am signing off and reconnecting!

A few days ago I Wrote..." 

This pic spoke alot to me.. This has been me but is not who I am so I am going to change that.. Too often I watch you from facebook, liking the things you post, saying how much a miss you.. and yet many of you I have not seen in person in years and some , when I do see you its like we dont know each other at all.. So here is the deal I live in kanab... So those of you around this Area Message me I want to see you! any thing.. A walk through the park, sitting and visiting for a moment any thing. And then those of you in salt lake area I am coming to salt lake April 2nd and staying there til the 11th! message me! we will find some thing to do.. Create our own fun drum circle Celebrating life and friendship, Take a nature walk, sit and visit... and more, then if any of you are around St. goerge I am moving there April 14th (ish) this means the same for you!! Message me!!! we could go for a walk, you could assist in moving, we could sit and talk and so much more!!! MESSAGE ME! I want to see you!"

And I got 2 that actually made an attempt to make plans with me. TWO!!! Out of Near a thousand friends? this just confuses me so! WAKE UP WORLD! Do you not see? I found the perfect movie on youtube to explain in again the only way I can see in waking up any one from this world we are stuck in! the world of Tech! 

I surprise myself by how often I find myself checking my facebook to see if I have gotten a message. Every thing have been made robotic! Love lives been lived right here on the internet! What kind of life is that, what kind of love is that? It is not one. I want to be free!! So sure use facebook to contact me, Text or call me.( 435 899 8597) . But I invite you to use it to arrange a face to face! Sure there may be distances but if we take the time that we use to be on the web, or looking down at a screen how far could we travel? WAKE UP!!! 

This is me Waking up. Hello world, I am here.

well...

I wonder if i will leave an impression. When it is my time to go home will some one remember me? Will some one miss me every day? Will I cross some ones mind often? Or will I just fade away? I know I have a son and well I know that when my parents go home I will miss them and they will cross my mind every day, but in the end will I leave a good collection of memories behind?
Will I find my love?  The one that I will wait for in heaven? The one I can love forever? Well I be loved and held when I turn grey? or did my chance pass by? I pray not dear Lord! I know I have made mistakes but I dont think I can do this alone.. I dont want to. Letting go of my Ex husband was me taking the chance of being alone forever.. I know tho it was the chance I had to take, because really in the end it was the only chance I had to find true love. I stare at the stars above knowing that I have loved, and I do love with all my heart. When will my chance at forever come?

Really its not that I am sad. I am actually happy with my life.. ok there is alot that gets to change and honestly I am freaking out inside. But I do have the best thing ever in my life , a five month old little boy who makes me smile every day, there is so much I deserve tho, for him. A place of peace for us to live. Here we hide in our room because of all the drama and pain that lies beyond the bedroom door. Some time the tension is so great that you can feel it oosing under the door. I am totally Freaked out about getting a job and letting mom watch Malaki, Not that I do not trust her. Its more the fact that i will not be there. And some times I am lonely. But then.. I know that I can be tough, I am strong. I can push on. I can do any thing. If this is my life I can make it. If I am to for ever be the working single mom I will find a way to push on, I will find a way to make him remember his mommy when I am gone. I can make it alone I will not die from being alone in my love life. I never thought I had a chance of even dating back in highschool. And look at what happened there for a while like 3 ish years of never being single I dated so many people and I could not be alone. That blew me away.  And I know that I am still desired, I had to tell one guy just yesterday that my heart belongs to another and that I did not feel for him in that way, at all. And then there is him. The one I am in love with. Miles away. There are alot of days I believe we will be together in time. And then there are days like today where I am not sure, I wonder if I will be forever waiting for him to show. No there is no rush at this time, there is things i need to figure out, a divorce being one of them. And I do not want to rush, I dont want people to think I am rushing from one guy to another but then really it does not matter what they think, it has been 8 months since he physically left me and a year since he emotionally left me. I have felt this loneliness for over a year now, so for me i guess it does not feel like rushing to be loving some one else. I really want this divorce so that I can move on with my life.
then there are moments like this where My baby boy is asleep in my arms holding to me tightly so i cant put him down. heaven.. I could live in this moment and never want for more,

a feeling

I can feel it in my soul. My life is changing there is some thing amazing about to happen. I honestly can not say what it is I feel is to happen just some thing great. Its like when you  can smell some thing amazing as you walk pass a food place, you have no Idea what it is, yet you know it is going to taste amazing. except for this is my life we are talking about. I can feel a huge shift starting to take place to lead to something even better.
As of late it has felt like my life is on pause. I stay at home in my room with my son pretty much 24/7 yes there was the last time I came out of my room for a vacation to see my moms best friend ( my Aunt) and ended up in the hospital with my Baby. Thats when I felt like i was starting to wake up. My 4 1/2 month old baby boy had to have surgery but on top of that he had RSV and low Il ron making it so he had to have blood transfusions and also the surgery was slightly more risky than normal. He had Pyloric Stenosis. Pyloric stenosis is an uncommon condition affecting the opening between the stomach and small intestine in infants. More less lots of throwing up and no nutrition getting to where it deserves to. When talking to the doctors around here they made it sound like it was normal for a baby to throw up soo much and when seeing his lack in weight would just give him more and different things to eat. I had no idea that it was not normal to go through many sets of clothing a day for both him and my self plus not to mention the bedding and other things that ended up in the cross fire of puking baby. ( life seems pretty easy right now with him now not puking every time he eats or cries hard) I am so grateful for the doctors who found out what was up with my little man before it got worse. The doctor he saw said we were lucky we caught it, for she usually has this fixed by 6 weeks old and this can lead to SIDS. Tho he is cranky from a little tenderness from surgery and of course teething ( he already has two of his lower very front teeth) he is doing really well. He is my smiley baby who even tho has gone through alot still smiles and coos. He is my inspiration really.
Dad got a job in St. Goerge so now we are looking to move there ASAP. I am actually quite excited about this and tho I really do not look forward to getting a job and leaving my sweet baby at home with his grandma, I am really looking forward to a change. A chance to get back on my feet. Being a single mom means sadly I have chosen to miss out on some of my babies life. I pray I am their for most. It would break my heart if I missed his firsts. Like his first words or steps or any of that, but I chose this life. I felt it would be better than him forever seeing his mom unhappy. And deep down I know that this is not forever some day I will get my dream to be a stay at home mom. For now I get to get back on my two feet. One of the first things I plan on doing once i am able to afford it is to get a divorce. I went in to the court house here in Kanab and they sent me to a site on line that in return sends me back to the court house. Really I feel like they just do not want to be bothered by me at all. 
There is so much going on and honestly I have that feeling that I have had so many times before in my life , and it is yet to let me down, that some thing truly amazing is about to happen. This is a new chapter to my story and I can not wait to see what happens.

Crazy?

Life changes at a blink of an eye. For example you find some thing you feel is going to work and then it all flip flops and you have no idea then a few more bumps and twist are thrown in as if it was not interesting enough as it was before the whole flip flop! And then add in the stuff that is going on inside of you with all of the outside stuff and why not just call this a whole mess of disaster. For goodness sale can it just be one thing at a time! One more thing to that add the fact that the one person you feel like will get all of this is not around at this time and if you so tell them all that is going on and how you feel you risk putting them through worse then you are going through. My self talk has increased so much, all inner , but its got to the point it's like I am having a constant conversation  in there! And I swear if some one could hear my thoughts they would throw me in an mental institution! I tell my self to shut the cupboard because its one of MY pet peaves to have a cupboard left open! It's almost like I am speaking my thoughts out load in my brain! Heavens now I do sound crazy!